Apr 17 2019

Somebody that I used to know

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:02

Last evening I took a break from working on my book, because when checking my phone I’ve seen a friend request on the unmentionable social network that governs us all. I did not recognize the person, but she was asking me to give her a sign when I’m around. And I did. Turns out she was somebody I used to hang with during the summer of 2010. She was reaching out because in that period, at one of the events she used to hang out with a guy and I was the one taking pictures of everything, and she wanted to know if I still happen to have the pictures. Why? Because she met that guy again after 10 years and apparently they just … hit it off again. And she thought it would be funny to reminisce over their youth.

Well, some time ago when I tried opening my yearly archives, I noticed that during one of the multiple copy and paste from HDD to HDD, some of them got wrecked and I lost quite a lot of pictures. Not the ones she was looking for though, she was really lucky. The directory with the pictures and movies was intact and I gladly send it to her via wetransfer.

While looking for the pictures she was hoping I had, I’ve stumbled about some others, some of them with some old flames and my latest boyfriend. I haven’t looked at those pictures in years, I forgot I had so many. Also, after the breakup, I archived everything and did not open them until this year, because I want to make a photo album with my parents with pictures from all the years I’ve been away from them. So last night I’ve also scrolled through the earliest years of my last relationship. I was always fearful that if I ever see those pictures again my heart will break all over again. But looking at those pictures, I barely recognized the man in them. And funny enough, I was not attracted to that person. I remember loving him, I remember thinking of him as sweet and cute. Now I was like… what did I ever see in this person?

And I realized that the reason he seems so foreign, is that in these ten years I have became a different person and it is quite possible my taste in men has changed too. I have changed my life context twice, I’ve traveled and learned so much, I’ve met so many people that were good to me and genuinely amazing persons. Now I accept that he was a necessary brick in the road I’m walking on, a crooked one that hurt my feet. But when they healed, they made my skin tougher and now I can walk even farther.

Long time ago I told him that I accept all the bad things that happened to me and I am grateful for each and every one of them and no matter how much they hurt, I wouldn’t change a thing because they lead me to him. Now he is one of those bad things that hurt me, one of the those things that are leading me somewhere. I don’t have enough imagination to even try to figure out where or to whom, but I am really threilled about it.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Apr 13 2019

My first crush

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 8:14

I’m not sure when I first saw “The never ending story“, but I loved the second and the idea behind it. I cried when Artax, Atreyu’s horse drowned in Swamp of Sadness, and at the time the analogy for the mental illness of depression was not lost on me. Even if it was not as loved as the first one I loved “The Neverending Story II” as well. Probably because I had the appropriate age. Bastian was growing up, making mistakes and atoning for them. Bastian was becoming an adult, but learning not to lose his imagination either.

And Bastian was played by Jonathan Brandis that probably was my first crush. I liked his blue eyes, his dimple chin and the way he smiled, by pulling the corner of his left cheek a little harder than the right.

I remember having posters with him on the walls in my room. I definitely had this one.

And then Seaquest happened. I loved that series and I used to wake up at night to watch re-runs. I loved seeing him grow up from a kid into a beautiful young man. The fact that in the series they paired  him at some point with a hacker named Julianna might have been the moment when I decided that maybe being a software engineer is possible for a girl. I was so fascinated with him that I remembered writing letters to some papers asking them to write articles about him and print pictures with him. And they delivered.

I re-watched Seaquest during my faculty years, because I just could not accept that he was dead. He killed himself in 2003. I had access to internet by then and I Googled him from time to time. The news broke my heart, and it was very difficult to explain to my boyfriend at the time why. For him, he was just an actor, one of many. For me, it felt like we grew up together. There are a lot of assumptions about the reasons behind his suicide, and it is so sad to read about it. He was a single child of good decent, hard-working people and I am so sad for his parents, because they must be inconsolable.

Every year, around the time when his birthday would have been I remember him and watch an episode of Seaquest to remember his blue eyes and his voice. And I wonder how he was as a person. What kind of pancakes did he like most? Did he even like pancakes? What did he like to do on Sunday mornings? Which book was his favorite? I dreamed of meeting him one day and asking him all these questions while sharing my own preferred things about this world. I really, really wanted to get to know the man that brought my favorite character from Seaquest to life. But I guess every teenager with a crush of him at the time wanted the same thing.

Rest in Peace, dear Jonathan. I am glad you were part of my life through your work. I only wish you would have stuck around, because we might have ended up meeting one day.

[Later edit] And for all of you fighting suicidal thoughts, just you wait. Things are never as bad as you think, and reality beats movies when things start going right. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was about 10 years old. I made it to 32 and finally won the battle. You will too and there are people willing to help. And feel free to drop me an email if you feel the need to talk about it. Just hang on and stick around, don’t rob someone of the pleasure to meet you.

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Apr 07 2019

Is Spring still relevant?

Category: English posts,TechnicalIuliana @ 13:39

This Friday I’ve had a debate at the company with a colleague of mine which is known to be a straight up genius about the topic in the title. Obviously, I was arguing that Spring is still relevant, and my colleagues was arguing that it is not. How did I end up in this position? Well, since I’ve written so many books about Spring, why not? I’ve written books about how it can be used, explained its under-the-hood internals to others, I could talk to others about it, right? Well, turns out… not really. I am really bad at debates with geniuses, that happened to study computer science. Because I’m an engineer, I’m practical, I get down in the dirt to make sense of things and fix them up. I build things from scratch, and although I do overthink and design things, my overall direction is practicality. And this is what being relevant is for me. Can it make my work easier, faster, stable and can in the end produce revenue? Then it is relevant. So yeah, for me being needed and being useful means being relevant.

For him, being relevant, means change, means driving the domains toward innovation.

And because, our definition of relevant was different, the debate was a cluster-fuck. Funny as hell, but a cluster-fuck nonetheless.

Here is my take on this.

Continue reading “Is Spring still relevant?”

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Apr 07 2019

F2

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 11:38

I’ve had a dream last night in which I was trying to give somebody a phone number. The context is irrelevant, although the dream was quite complex, but I remember vividly scrolling through my contact list and instead of finding the desired contact, I kept finding contacts marked with letter F and digit 2.

I’m not superstitious, and I definitely do not believe that dreams have some kind of meaning, but I do believe, the brains does some sort of partitioning while we sleep and re-arranges information for long duration storage. So, since in my dream I have seen those two characters enough times to remember them clearly, I am very curious which information was my brains partitioning.

It could be the F2 computer key, which I barely use on my Mac and I really have no idea what it does.

It could be a reference to the F2 – Fun and Frustration movie, which is a Telugu language comedy film, but I’ve never been really interested in this type of movies.

I also found this twitter account: TheF2, which references a football club. I play football every Wednesday, so it might be that. :D

Or it could be a reference to F2 – Formula 2, I like fast cars and I like driving, so there might be a connection here.

Or it could be a reference to this Youtube channel which contains videos made by three kids with big dreams.

Or it could be a reference to this plane: Mitsubishi F-2 , which apparently is an awesome plane, also known as Viper Zero. Still, never been interested in fighter planes, not even one as cool as this one.

But there’s another one option, there is a US visa named F2 that is a non-immigrant visa which allows dependent spouses and children(unmarried, under 21 years old) to enter into the U.S. So.. I guess that’s it. Secretly I obviously desire to marry and American and become a US citizen. :D

I’ve had so much fun trying to figure out my brains was doing last night, but it is high time I give up. I do have some work to do after all.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Apr 06 2019

Medici, a series with great actors

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 14:42

A while ago I tried watching the Medici series on Netflix. For some reason, I gave up at the first episode, probably the story was not advancing fast enough and me, and me not having any knowledge of Italian history could not fill in the missing gaps, nor was I motivated to wait for things to start happening, because I had no idea of the direction where things were going.

The series is not an easy one to watch either. The music is mostly classical, piano and violin and everything, and sometimes you just watch some action happening in the background while the front line is represented by a full dramatic symphony that seems to go on for ever. If you do not appreciate that kind of music, you might find it difficult to watch the movie. Also, those background scenes are important for the plot, so you’d better not let yourself get lost in the music. The music in the movie is absolutely genius, you feel smarter just but watching the series.

Also, there are a lot of silent moments, that are surprisingly not boring and relevant for character development. The actors keep acting during those scenes, I swear you can read some internal drama on Richard Madden’s and Daniel Sharman’s faces. Richard Madden, I already knew is a great actor with a lot of experience in movies like these, especially after seeing him on Game of Thrones, but Daniel Sharman was an absolute surprise. I’ve only seen him in teen shitty dramas, where the only talent an actor needs is to be good looking, and boy he does have that. But I really hope, he gets to play more serious roles, because he has a lot of potential.

Otherwise, the series is amazing, the stories are build up slowly and realistically. I’ve found myself wishing for the survival of some characters and absolutely loathing the villains in the Pazzi and Abizzi families. Those actors really, really did a great job, because they were so easy to hate. I could have never imagined Sean Bean as a villain after Game of Thrones, but there he was and boy, I hated Jacopo de’ Pazzi during the series.

Another thing about this series is that it will not give you closure. There are some events that happen in the movies, that are viewed by the characters from a different angle, and leads them to do idiotic things. If you expect them to ever find the truth and realize their mistake, well… that never happens. So you are left with this bitterness of being unable to influence events, and with your imagination active trying to reshape events in the form they might have been in, if on;y the truth would have been able to come out somehow. I think this is the strength of the show really, maybe it might not be historically accurate, but it sure feels like it, because events do not turn out the way we expect them to, they turn out exactly how they were written to many years ago. This series might help you grow up a little, and realize what every adult must accept at some point in their lives: that past cannot be changed, so don’t dwell too much over it, or you will endanger your future.

Another side effect this series might have on you is that, you might fall in love with Florence. I’ve never really bean fascinated with Italy, even more, I’ve been avoiding going to Italy for a long time. There are some personal reasons for my attitude, that I might cover in a different entry, because I know that they are irrational and illogical and I’m not even sure how to explain it. But this movie really made me curious about this country, so after going to the already established vacation destinations for this year, next year, I will definitely go to Italy. And most probably, I will start with Florence.

Netflix really did a good job with this series and I really hope they continue it in the same style. I enthusiastically recommend you watching it.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Mar 26 2019

A great performance

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:55

I was a student in 2005 when I first heard and seen the following video.

I must confess I was intrigued, because the song did not have the structure that I prefer, not many verses are rhyming and the video is nothing but weird. Creative, but weird. I did not really like it, but I could not stop listening to it either, every time discovering new things about it. I did not hear the word “poise” being used in a song before. I really liked the vocalist’s voice, there was something really peculiar about it, he could switch really easily from low notes to high notes, and it seemed… effortless.

Continue reading “A great performance”

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Mar 12 2019

After Life is a gem

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:00

If you haven’t yet seen After Life, the new short series produced by Ricky Gervais, in which he shines as Tony, the bitter guy that lost his wife to cancer, I recommend you not to wait too long.

Ricky Gervais is a genius, but After Life is not for everyone. If you cry easily and you are bothered by it or get offended easily do not watch it.

I’m not offended easily, but I do cry easily and I don’t mind. Crying provides the best cleaning for the eyes. And I’ve seen it.

This short series is a gem of television. It’s the epitome of art imitating life. It is raw, it is cringy and it is … heartbreaking.

Some people describe it as funny. I won’t, because the cut scenes shared on twitter are funny only when taken out of context. In the context of the series, those lines are delivered by a broken man that does not know how to live in a world without the love of his life.

The series is centered on Tony and the aftermath of losing the love of his life and if you have an open mind and an open heart there are some things to be learned:

  • love does exist, but it is not always sunshine and rainbows
  • the perfect partner is not the most beautiful, or the smartest, is the one that will love and stand by you despite all your bullshit, because make no mistake, Tony is by all intents and purposes an asshole, but he’s Lisa’s asshole and she sees all the good in him
  • a partner should see all the good in us and nourish it, Lisa is amazing because she makes sure to do so that even after she dies by leaving Tony the videos in which she describes how she sees him
  • never ever underestimate the hook a pet can have on you
  • appreciate the people you love every day, because life is unpredictable and merciless
  • real friends will stand by you at your lowest, even when your behaviour is not really friendly

Watching this series might make you realize that people deal with loss in different ways, and if they temporarily turn bitter and sour, you should try to be there for them, because this is when they most need it. They might seem ungrateful at the time, but after the pain is gone they will show you plenty of gratitude.

I might be a little biased since the series hits quite close to home. I feel closer to the main character because I too lost the love of my life quite a long time ago.

Somebody asked me recently how do you get over the love of your life dying. It was surprising how easy it was to answer. You don’t. You just accept that you couldn’t have done nothing to prevent it. You let go of the guilt for being the one left behind and alive. You accept that they are gone and learn to be grateful for the time you had with them. And after accepting they are gone you learn to live your life for two, you live and appreciate the rest of your life, especially because they did not.

The most cynical of people watching the series might draw the conclusion that you should never give someone so much power over you, but the fact remains that After Life is just great and watching it might make you more empathetic.  So, go ahead and watch it. And then come back and thank me for the recommendation.

Stay safe, stay happy!