Jun 11 2019

Blast from the past(part 5)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:33

I know I took a long break from writing again. I could blame my absence on working on my books, but I would be lying. Truth is whenever I get a bout of depression I have energy for one thing only: keeping up a steady job so I can pay my rent and feed my cat. Seriously, this cat is the reason while I’m a decent functioning adult sometimes.

But, back to my awesome series.This time I have two pictures for you.

In the background of this picture you can see the Back Sea. In 2010 I broke up with Rpx. It was one of those mutual(sort of) break-ups. Quite peacefull and chill, it was quite clear to us, that for some reason we no longer fitted together. So I decided to go the Black Sea with a small set of friends(?) to a small city called Vama Veche which is known for being destination for young people to get drunk, have fun and probably do drugs in the summer. I was there for all of them.

I rented a bed in a camper van and it was the most disgusting place I ever slept in. But I got to ride a motorcycle with a friend of mine, I got to smoke marijuana, get a little drunk, have a little fun and ironically no, I did not get to swim in the sea because I almost drowned in 2009 at Gura Portitei. So I  ended up being a little afraid of water with its own random currents.

Obviously, I need to tell you about my first experience with marijuana, because, because … I just must.  So although for more than 10 years I smoked  because my friends kept offering me cigarettes and I was so desperate for acceptance and inclusion I never said no, I was never a real smoker. So obviously smoking marijuana is not something I enjoyed doing. The smell and taste of smoke just make me nauseous and disgust me to this day. I will probably never smoke in my life again. Being young – well not so young, I was 27 – I kinda felt weird about not being able to contribute with my own opinion in discussions with my friends about marijuana. So, feeling naughty I asked one of the guys in the group to get one so we can do some research. I remember three or four of us staying in a circle in the sand next to a bonfire. We all smoked and kept talking nonsense. I was less focused on the discussion and more focused on me and what I was feeling, because I wanted to feel something, I was not even sure what. So I just stood there on my ass, on the sand waiting. And nothing happened. At some point I just felt sleepy, so I said bye bye to my guys and just went to my camper van. Since I did not check the time, I will never know how much I sat on my ass waiting for something to happen, for some extraordinary sensation that never came.

You expected some crazy story? Now you know how I’ve felt. I would like very much to have a crazy story to write, but I don’t.

Curious fact: one of the guys I’ve went to the Black Sea with was, and still is, suffering from mythomania. After coming back from the sea I’ve written a very big sarcastic post about this guy being a pathological liar which turned him into a pariah in the local blogospehere for years. A few years after doing that, I felt bad, I mean it was online bullying after all, and I’ve made the post private, before Google got so good at indexing content. Unfortunately, mythomania is not curable, unless you have parents that actually care about you enough(unfortunately this poor kid did not) to take you to a psychologist. But then again in Romania psychologists are one step down the ladder from palm readers, so if his parents would have cared about him lying the therapy would have been some pair of beatings. Anyway, after reconnecting a month ago with a friend from that group, I find out that the guy is still lying his way through life, he moved to Bucharest and he’s a slowly rising politician. This says a lot about Romania’s politicians, right? Anyway, if you are ever asked to vote for Vlad Moraru, be really sure you know the guy, because it could be my guy.

The picture above was taken towards the end of the year. By that time I met the unmentionable boyfriend and I was … happy. The necklace you see in the picture was kinda goth and kinda cool and I loved it. I have no idea when I lost it and I still regret losing it. I bought it from a thrift store. That’s all I remember about this picture. I do not even remember the context, nor the reason for taking it – because it is obviously a selfie. At that time the blogosphere was slowly shifting towards Facebook, so I might have taken this picture for my Facebook profile.

And that’s it kids. Story time is done, because mommy has to write some code.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Jun 11 2019

Goodbye Netflix

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:00

One of the things I did after moving to the UK getting a Netflix subscription. I just thought since I’ll be alone here I’ll finally have the time to see all the series I’ve missed. And I did, and I enjoyed a few of them. I also had this illusory hope that if I see all the British series, on Netflix my English accent would improve. Well, not sure my accent is better because of Netflix, but I definitely had less free time and less motivation to leave the house. It got so bad I could not take a bath or fall asleep without watching something. When the awesome series ended I switched to good ones. When the good series ended, I switched to decent ones. Then to acceptable ones. But now I’m just left with really dull ones and I  just realized it’s not worth it anymore. So today I just cancelled my Netflix subscription. I’ve been thinking about doing it for a while, but like any addiction is really difficult to kick. But I did it. Yeey me!

Seriously, Netflix is addictive. Not sure any of us realizes how much time and money we actually waste on it. Actually, just money, because time is money. Or just time, that you could spend exercising, meditating, going out and meeting people. Or just hanging with your friends and loved ones.

I have books to read(and write) and music to listen(and learn on my piano), I’d rather do any of that. If I will wreck my eye sight by staring at a screen I would prefer doing it while writing on this blog or writing some code, or reading a book. Each one of this would be more useful to my brains than  watching a series or a movie. Unless that movie is Rocketman, but Rocketman is not on Netflix. You haven’t seen Rocketman? You lazy ignorant human, go to a cinema right now and see it! It is amazing and it is life changing.

So, I’m sorry Netflix, but we really have to stay apart for a while. After the last season of Lucifer which was amazing and the ending of Star Trek Discovery there’s nothing left that I consider worthy of my time. It was nice spending time with you, you’ve been a good friend to me on my lonely days and maybe we’ll keep each other company again, but for now I’ll leave you to be enjoyed by your other billions of users that need you because they are addicted to you.

Stay safe and stay happy!



May 26 2019

Blast from the past (part 4)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 16:07

This is one of my favorite pictures. It was taken in 2009 in a small seaside reservation called Gura Portitei. I went there with my friends, two of them my best friends, that ended up being the parents of the kids I love most in this world. I have a lot of pictures from that vacation, but my brains decided to erase most of the memories.

But I do like this picture. I remember loving that shirt. I remember how bad it fit with the red sweatpants and I know the colors association is not the great either, but the whole outfit felt so comfortable. The pink legs that you see next to me belong to the founder of this blog, Rpx, my then boyfriend. It know it’s not obvious from the picture but he is 2 meters tall. I am 1,63 m tall and yes, we looked really funny together. He is also a ginger so his skin color will never get darker than that.

I don’t remember much about vacation. But I remember being happy. And knowing me, that is very, very good.

Stay safe, stay happy!


May 23 2019

The one with the bush

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:27

When I was younger I honestly thought that the Internet and the unlimited access to information it provided would make the world smarter and during my lifetime I would witness at least a few first steps towards the world depicted in Star Trek. But, sadly this is not the case. Although I do not want to be pessimistic, the things that happened in the last three years or so actually seem to point to some steps being taken backwards to the dark ages.

Of course this entry is about the shit that is happening in USA now. USA has been viewed for a long time as the land of milk and honey, the world where anybody willing to work for their dreams will achieve them, the land of the free, home of the brave. But recently all that beautifully painted view has lost its colors. USA is a big country, for anybody with a little knowledge of history it should be obvious that managing a country of that size is not an easy job. And aside the fact that it is not an easy job, in 2016 the job was given to the village idiot named Trump. After almost three years of lies, laughs and ridiculous twitter messages, the result of  this unfortunate event in USA’s history are starting to show. Because felling empowered by the village idiot, other idiots started to publicly express their stupid wants and opinions and demanded actions.

What is happening in Alabama right now is terrifying. Men have made laws for women, restricting them the ownership of their bodies. So, instead of the world in Star Trek, USA is clearly taking a step towards the world in “A Handmaids Tale”. The men that made those laws have no anatomical knowledge of a female body and obviously no respect for women. Because if they would have any of those, they would have realized that they brought women in their states a step closer to farm animals, because those don’t have control over their bodies either.

If any of those idiots would have even bothered to read a little anatomy or read some of those terrifying  threads on Reddit about what can go wrong during a pregnancy they would have realized that no way in hell you should force a woman to have a child.

Human pregnancy is parasitic by nature.The baby modifies a woman’s body to make sure it gets all it needs to come to term. Sometimes it miscalculates and can funnel more resources than needed and can affect the woman for life. And not in a good way, obviously.  A friend of mine got left with fragile bones and no teeth in her mouth because her baby miscalculated how much calcium it needed. The baby is fine, but she now has fake teeth and she had to give up playing football. Or any kind of contact sport really. And be very careful for the rest of her life. Another friend of mine got  varices all over her legs, and when I say all over, I mean her legs look like she is wearing webbed tights. And these are mild examples, it could be worse.

A wanted, planned baby is a miracle. The pregnancy is the very risky process a woman is willing to go through because he loves her husband or loves the idea of having a child – if she’s smart – if she’s an idiot that doesn’t know much about her own body, she might do it for other reasons – but this is another subject. This is how you know as a man that your woman truly loves you: she is willing to put her well being and maybe her life at risk to make sure your genes will pass on.

That is why a woman should never be forced to have a baby.

And also because, I totally agree with what one of my favorite vloggers, Cosmin Mitu says: “nothing creates a worse adult than the feeling of a child that he never was wanted in the first place”.

As for the women that intentionally get pregnant to trap men into a marriage or financing them under the so-called motherhood, let’s put it like this: if a man masturbates and leaves his load on a bush, it doesn’t mean the bush is now his to do as he wants. So honestly, dear men, if you do not want babies, be careful where you dump your load. If it’s inside a woman’s vagina, prepare to follow up and make sure she isn’t having that baby, or take her to a lawyer to sign a document taking full responsibility(including the financial one) for her decision. (I did not take into consideration here the responsible/sensitive men that would not be able to sleep at night because of the thought that out there there is a kid sharing their genes.)

These are the logical options, but humans are anything but logical unfortunately.

Here’s another idea: you know all that talk about consent when it comes to sex? The same goes with having a kid.

If sex requires consent from both parties, having a kid requires it too.

May 20 2019

And now they are five

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:32

Every year, on this date I post some cheesy entry about lost love and unfairness of the whole process or some empowering post about life after love. This year, I won’t. Because this year I’m watching the last episode of Game of Thrones. :D

Stay safe, stay happy and if you are unhappy how Game of Thrones ended, you are a superficial person that hasn’t watched the series properly and probably you haven’t read the books either, you ignorant cunt!

May 03 2019

Blast from the past (part 3)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:31

Somebody said that the previous entries were kinda grim, but I told you, I will write here what I remember related to the context in which the pictures were taken. I was not in a good place for most of my life, honestly sometimes I’m looking back and I still think it is a miracle I made it to 30. But I did make it, and my experience is nothing special really. It is normal to be scared, it is normal to be sad, it is normal to have doubts and it is normal to be broken. And it is also normal to fix yourself. Which I am confident I did, but working on yourself is a never ending process.

We’ll jump to 2008, because for some reason I have no pictures from 2007. I am not sure it is related, but 2007 was a really busy year. I had full time job, and when I say full time, I mean 8-12 hours, because I was so eager to learn and grow professionally I was overworking myself.  I was also teaching at the university, so the amount of work hours per week was around 70-80. It is also the year when I decided to fix my teeth, all of them, so I made no other investment that year. So no camera, no fancy phone. In 2007 I also moved from campus to a really nice house that I rented with my now best friends and parents of my godson. So it was quite a happy period full of work and spending time with my friends.

The picture is taken on that house’s balcony. It was taken by my then boyfriend, a great guy but a little lost and demotivated at the time. He is now a proud father and is kicking ass in his profession, he is married to a very amazing woman, that is not me, but that I am proud to call my friend.

I remember I loved that shirt, but I was reluctant to wearing it in public because, yes you guessed it, I thought I was fat. He convinced me to wear it for this picture and I really cannot remember another time when I wore it.

If I remember well, the building in the backend is a school for children with disabilities. The house between that big building and house I lived in was inhabited by a family living on social wages, that had three kinds during the 7 years I lived there. The street the house was on was named Marta, number 18 and the location is quite close to city center.

I lived in that house from 2007, until 2014 when I moved to Sibiu. The people that rented the house to me and my boyfriend were wonderful people and I still consider them my friends. They took a risk by renting the house to me and my boyfriend and I will always be grateful to them for their trust.

I moved to that house because campus life was getting difficult for me and my two cats. Yes, I found my first cat, a tomboy which I named Bebe one night when I was coming back from work. He followed me after I gave him some pets and I could not abandon it. The second cat, it was so small she could fit in the palm of my hand and somebody found it and gave it to me because they just did not know what to do with it. My room mates from that time probably still hate me for my innability to say no  to cats.

I have a lot of happy memories from my time living in that house. Of course there are some sad ones, but this is how we grow.

Stay safe, stay happy!

May 02 2019

Blast from the past (part 2)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 3:22

Still in 2006, a little bit close to summer, not sure how or why, but I met a goth girl that was preparing her final project in fashion design. And obviously her project included a few complicated Goth attires, and for reasons that baffle me to this day she decided I would be perfect to model one of them.

My then boyfriend had a great camera so he took the photos on top of one of the Iasi campus buildings. He took over 1000 pictures, not of me, there were other models as well, but somehow those pictures were lost, they are on a CD in Sibiu, in a case I donated before I moved to Edinburgh.

During faculty I was what it was then called an “emo-kid”, like a goth girl, but with less fancy clothes, less sexy attitude and quite a lot of sadness and probably some anger at the world. I was angry that I did not get to apply to the university I wanted. I was angry I was so poor and I had to stretch my scholarship to the absurd to finish that damn faculty that I did not want to do in the first place.I was angry the most important person in my life died and my first love did not love me enough.

Sure I had a boyfriend, but at that time I had my doubts about that relationship. It is always a bad sign, when you like his family more than you like him. And I loved his mom, his smart aunt, his frail grandma and his agitated dog. But he, he was at the time quite … not like them. He was selfish, superficial and he loved me with a hunger that was overwhelming. I am sure he is a better person now.

While I was on that roof and those pictures were taken, I was thinking what were my chances of survival if I fell. I was stressed because of my final project, lacking the motivation to finish it, being scared out of my mind that I would not be able graduate and find a job and this boy hungry for love and togetherness could not understand my struggle and just wanted to spend time with me. I did not understand, why would you want to spend time with a nervous wreck like me? And he never knew of my suicidal thoughts, because I did my best to hide from him how broken I really was.

And aside from that, can you believe I also viewed myself as fat? Seriously, I chose that attire because it was black and covered me completely.

Anyway, that was me then, struggling, but nevertheless fighting and surviving. And damn, I really had amazing hair, didn’t I? ;)

Stay safe, stay happy!